Dad and I spent the 4th, as we have every year since your death, with your loyal friends in Lake Oswego. It gives us such comfort to share some time with the people who join us in loving you and keeping your memory alive. Every hug we exchanged was for you. Did you feel them? I think you did. As I watched the fireworks paint the sky, I noticed one brilliant star glistening after the ashes had disintegrated and dimmed. Perhaps that was your lovelight signal, letting us know you are with us always and forever.
We saw Richard and Nancy. You would be so happy to know that they are still together! Richard graduated from OSU and is studying hard to take the tests that will certify him as a financial manager. It is very impressive how hard he is working. He even stayed home from the Shasta trip this year to hit the books! Nancy is working for her dad and sold JoAnne and Barry a beautiful hybrid Tahoe. I took her card and will try to talk Daddy into getting a new car. He will not let go of your van, though, and holds on to it because it reminds him of you. It has almost 160,000 miles on it. Richard and Paul think we should give it to Ken........What do you think?
Paul and his girlfriend Rachelle were there. He showed me photos of Edgar. He tells me that Ken is Edgar's other father. I know you would be so happy to see how much your friends love your dog. Paul tells me he still does not like being left alone.
AJ is leaving for Dubai soon to join Jason there! Imagine that! Please watch over them both and help keep them safe. They are conquering the commercial real estate world in a big way, as only AJ and Jason can do.
The game ball you were given by your teammates after the lacrosse championship win is in a case in JoAnne and Barry's rec room, fully visible. I knew it would be in good hands there.
We miss you so much, Jonny, and are trying so hard to focus on your joyous spirit and enthusiastic love of life, which is felt by so many people who love and cherish you.
We keep you in our thoughts and hearts daily and are so grateful for the time we got to spend with you. I know with unwavering certainty, Jonny, that we will see you again.
We will remember you always...... / Becky And Bob Marks (friends)Read >>
We will remember you always...... / Becky And Bob Marks (friends)
Jonny,
The first of July will never go by without us remembering you and the wonderful times we spent together with you and your family. Every keeper we ever watch, we compare to you and your abilities and no one ever comes close to you, Jonny. We will love you always..... Bob and Becky Marks
From the extraordinary HBO film series, John Adams: when Abigail Adams learns of her son's untimely death, she whispers these heartbreaking words to her husband:
"He was the delight of my eye, the darling of my heart."
Twenty-three years ago today, you received a soft, blue bear from my mother, your grandma, in honor of your birth. I took it down today from the shelf and remembered how much you loved it. I held it close to me, examined its well-worn body, and remembered the little boy who dragged it with him everywhere. The fur on his tiny nose is missing because you used to rub it with your fingers as you fell asleep. Those were sweet, innocent times.
Years later, at the beginning of your illness, you took the car and went to Canada, your birthplace, in hopes of finding solitude and peace. When Dad and I finally found you and talked you into coming back, I helped you unpack your bag when you were safely home. There were only a few items in it. Imagine my surprise when I unzipped the flap and discovered that, on the top of pile of T shirts and socks, was your little blue bear! My heart aches when I remember this moment. Who knew what meaning that precious gift had for you, so many years away from the little boy Jonny?
Did you take it as a reminder of happier times? A talisman of protection and good luck? Whatever goodness it brought to you, I hold it dear, as well. It comforts me now, and brings back sweet and loving images.
Happy Birthday, Jonny. You would be 23 years old today. We all continue to love and honor your memory.
A birthday card arrived for you today......... / Mom Read >>
A birthday card arrived for you today......... / Mom
from the alumni director at Army and Navy Academy. I opened it and read her cheery greeting and curly signature. She does not know. If I don't tell her, will I keep getting these reminders every February? Or will she give up when the donations cease? I don't want people to forget about you. I remember you every day. Every day, I take myself to the quiet place in my heart that is eternally joined to yours.
Is there a parallel place here on earth where you still laugh, tease, guard the soccer goal and fly your beloved aircraft? Was this card accidentally routed to your old address?
Wherever you are, my sweet, brave son, know that we love you always.
I was organizing Zach and Jason's Eagle Scout memorabilia today, putting together a shadow box of their hard work. As I browsed through the photos, there you were again, standing with your older brothers and their friends, smiling, hard-working. You must have been about 13. Some days are better than others, and I could not linger over those images for very long. I packed them up for Zach and Jason to care for.
1998. It was a time when you were healthy, happy, and looked forward to a lifetime of adventures and dreams fulfilled. I saw my face in those photos with you, smiling, with my arm wrapped around your shoulder. None of us knew what was in store for you, Jonny. We never would have predicted your illness, suffering and pain.
I will hold onto the memory of your similing, young face and believe that you are beaming as broadly now as you did then.
Jonny, it took me over a year to be able to post your dear friend Sam's music and lyrics. Their honesty and simplicity touch my heart every time I hear or read them.
Dear Jon
Music and Lyrics by Sam Martin 2006
I’m sorry for your tortured life. I’m sorry for your misery. My dear friend, can I say good-bye? You didn’t give me a chance this time.
Dear Jon, I hope you’ve found your peace.
I know that it became too much. I know your mind betrayed you. If I knew that it’d be our last day I wonder now what I would say.
The wrap-around porch of our hundred year-old home overlooks the soccer field of the school across the street. I sat in the sun today, drawn outside by a warm Fall breeze and the insistent TWEET! of the referees' whistles, watching the parents cheer their sons on. I squinted at the goalkeeper, admiring his strength and agility. He made a diving stop and the crowd's roars echoed across the parking lot. His teammates covered him with congratulatory pats and hugs and just for a moment, he morphed into Jonny. Only a moment.
When Jonny was a sophomore goalkeeper at Lakeridge, he was taken off the bench in a tie-breaker shootout to stop the opponent from advancing in the playoffs. This story is recounted so many times by Jonny's friends as one of the best examples of his bravery and pluck.
Please read it and think of Jonny with a smile and a belly laugh. He would want to be remembered for the happy times. He did not spend a lot of time feeling sorry for himself..........
It has been awhile since I have written something, but you are never far from my thoughts. All of us think of you everyday. Maybe I can catch up on the news.......something like I used to do with our Sunday emails when you were away at school........
Paul brought Edgar over for a visit and he has grown to be such a big, fat, happy dog! He weighs almost 70 pounds! Zach has visited him, too, at Paul's grandmother's house when the pool was open. Edgar, smiling ear to ear, takes a running jump and leaps into the water, splashing and dog-paddling to catch up with the guys: Sam, Jake, Paul. Zach tells me it is something to see! Everyone laughs and chuckles at his antics! You would be so happy to see how well Paul has cared for your puppy!
Zach is back in Portland and happy to live in Johns Landing with Winston. They are close to the river and take long walks every day. Jason has a new girlfriend and they have moved to Placer County, CA together. He is an EMT now and is working at getting into a firefighting position. You inspired him to go into this field because he remembered how kindly the paramedics and EMT responders cared for you when you became so ill.
Carson came over and brought his guitar to perform the song he wrote for you. It is very good! I was holding on to your Lakeridge lacrosse helmet, gloves, and stick for him and asked him to take good care of them for you. The gloves are worn and the helmet is banged up from too many cross-checks! I know you would want him to have it.
AJ is in LA, living in Brentwood with Jake! He is doing very well, working in commercial real estate and being a world traveler. You knew you could expect only the best from your oldest buddy........
Sam is working as an accountant at In Focus! Sam! I don't know if I would have predicted this when you both were so young and rascally. He looks very happy and is living with Paul and Edgar in a home in Lake Oswego (yes, they actually went back there!).
Richard is finishing up at OSU and is still with Nancy. Carson says he introduced them many years ago. I am wondering if you had something to do with it, too?
Dad and I talk about you often and the tears don't come so readily. You would be glad of that. We like to laugh when we remember you, too. It is healing to remember the good times, the sweet moments of watching you grow and change.
The cabin is looking great. There is new tile and a river rock hearth in the kitchen and actual carpet on the living room floor. It keeps the cold out. As I always promised you, it is not "girlie." Your surf shack is still very much "of the boys."
We love you forever, Jonny. I know you are busy doing things that my puny brain cannot imagine in the world I am in. Your universe is full of potential and possibilities we cannot comprehend. So, enjoy it with gusto, honey! I know you are. And always know that I hold you in my heart forever. You are the light that guides me through the darkness.
Love,
Mom You have influenced and inspired all of us Close
"Disease was Misplaced" / Carson (Good friend )Read >>
"Disease was Misplaced" / Carson (Good friend )
“Disease was Misplaced”
Bass and lyrics by Carson Church Guitar by Mark Henry
But it won’t be the same I’m lost out in a monsoon rain But you know that I’ll try To keep you alive. Moving north is going to be the test. N.A.U can really open our best. Every thing is going to be O.K For just one day. You never know what goes wrong Until you open up and write these songs Perfect bliss in your care free world. Getting cloudy, getting pearled But you know that we got to move on. Slap jamming, keep on singing these songs So we roll with a little riff And it goes like this:
The door opens and you see the light. You stop thinking about it day and night. The smoke will rise to the J. P – Dub. Rest in peace up above. There is nothing left to do, you got to smile, just smile. Jerry said that I’d see you in a while Or better yet only the good die young. I can’t believe you’re done. You were always so strong; you always gave your best. You taught me that back in the Lake-O nest. The green grass with the tall oak trees And the Northwest seas. We mini driving all night; just having some fun Looking back, 14, always on the run The good times I thought would never end Disease was not his friend
You got to live every damn day like it is your last. People today are living life too fast. Just relax and recognize your past. It’s time to grow new grass. It’s a game called life, said you got to roll the dice. Are you living, are you scared, up hiding with the mice? Down swimming in the sea, are you chilling with the toads? Rest in peace my homies on Sabino Road. You got to respect and always pay your dues. Karma is a bitch it’s like a just lit fuse. Jonny boy showed me nothing but love, Now he’s flying high with the turtledoves. But it won’t be the same. I know that he won’t forget my name. Close your eyes you can see his face. That disease was misplaced
Has it really been two years? / Mom
My sweet Jonny,
We know you died on the 29th of June because that is when the neighbors heard Edgar barking incessantly, for hours into the night. He was trying to rouse you........I cannot believe it has been two years already. I dreamed about you and your brothers last night. You were all little again (How I cherish those easy, sweet years!), and you were rampaging through their "grown up" world as you always did: assertively, loudly, letting them know that, although you might be the youngest, you would not be the weakest.........! In Canada, the boys and their friends nicknamed you "Petey" because they thought that fit you better. They used to build towers with Legos with their friends, guarding them against your determination to destroy them. I remember how they used to announce to each other: "Look out, guys: here comes Petey!" And sure enough, around the corner you charged, like a tiny desert dust devil, whirling and swirling and making your presence known to all!
You are in our hearts and thoughts everyday, honey. Life is not the same without your energizing spirit to see in person. We now have to look for it elsewhere: the wind off the ocean waves that cools our skin, the shimmering sunlight that streams so brightly through the summer clouds. Your love is with us and sustains us. I know you feel ours, too.
Rest in peace, Jonny. Whatever fun looks like to you now, I know you are embracing it with the same gusto and enthusiasm that drove your short life on earth............
Sending loving thoughts on Mother's Day / Jane Speidel, Mom Of Adam Waymire (POS mom )Read >>
Sending loving thoughts on Mother's Day / Jane Speidel, Mom Of Adam Waymire (POS mom ) Close
Your beautiful son / Rea Mom Of Emile De Miranda (POS)Read >>
Your beautiful son / Rea Mom Of Emile De Miranda (POS)
Michele, You really touched my heart with your sunday letter to Jonathan. I am sure he is so proud of his wonderful mom today. And we were blessed to have them for the time we did. You are in my heart and my prayers. Close
I lost you just as a persistent summer finally emerged, pushing aside the reluctant, rainy spring.
That final, unexpected, and heart-breaking scene was not in the original script, you know. It is not what I ordered up when you were born. Mothers should not have to bury their sons. But I lost you, nonetheless, and, for a time, all the dreams, joys, and promises that came in the enthusiastic and energetic package that was you.
I remember your life with special reverence today. I want you to know that it has taken on new meaning with me. Grief has finally helped me let go of the memory of your untimely death and replace it with all that is promising and hopeful and nourishing. I am moving beyond those dark places that focused only on your pain and absence. In a way, it was easier to shut down and recluse. But it is not what you would want and no way to honor your loving memory and vibrant spirit.
So, my sweet rascal, I am turning toward that eternal lovelight that forever wears your smile and emits your boundless energy. I use it to create days full of growth and promise and gratitude. I celebrate the opportunity you gave me to be a patient, compassionate, flexible mother. You helped me become a better human being and I am profoundly grateful for all the gifts you brought me in your twenty short years of life.
22 years ago / Dad
Dear Jonny: I will never forget taking you and your mom to our hospital in Saskatoon 22 years ago in 50 below weather. What a joy! I will never forget, either, the endless series of adventures you took us on in all the years after that. You were a streaking comet of the spirit inside us, and will always light my way. Love, Dad. Close
My sweet Jonny. I am remembering the most obscure things today. The swing you and AJ fashioned out of rope and wood that made a wide arc over the deep gorge of Cook's Butte. How you got lost gathering blackberries in the Oregon woods and my relief/anger when you walked out up the driveway in the dusk, your mouth purple and smiling. The fort you built from sticks and moss on the vacant lot behind the cabin. The garden you planted when you were six (you were so proud and protective!). You in the soccer goal, so cocky and fearless. You on a surfboard, catching a crystal wave and disappearing in the spray. Sitting on my lap while I read your favorite story, your head heavy against my shoulder. And I remember standing with your dad and brothers at the junction of Arch Cape creek and the ocean, watching your ashes mingle with the sand and the sea. Not so long ago. Blink. So fast and fleeting.
Tomorrow Dad and I will go to the cabin because that is where I feel your presence the most. No cake or celebrations, though. Just quiet reflection and gratitude that you will always be our son, our brother, our friend. I carry you in my heart always.
WoW/ Matt Moline (unexplainabley close )
Jonny I want you back alive so bad it physically hurts, keeps me from going about everyday life, NOTHING MATTERS TO ME currently more than you did. I feel its safe to say we were best freinds. You told me things before most people, even near the end, and I have the most precious framed sports poster framed in my mind.....our last summer together, Tony had to go into goal (small sided tourney) and we needed to come back from 1 down with a few minutes left, I played a ball i didnt think you had a chance to get, then you cover 15 yards in a flash and make a diving header attack on the ball. I cant remember if you scored or not, but that was you! I remember how athletically gifted you were.....while playing goaly at reike running out to the FUCKING 25!!!! an WON A HEADER OVER CHAD BARRET....I honestly realize this makes no sense to most people as this is probably meant to like let people talk about jonny, well fuck it I MISS HIM SO BAD I HURT PHYSICALLY SO IM GOING TO FUCKING TALK TO HIM OK?!?!!? Anyways bro, I am trying to get ahold of your parents and come clean. You had confided in me nearly from the start about your mental health isses like schizofrenzia (I am soo sorry i butchered that spelling) Anyways, how obviously was it you were struggling so bad you couldnt handle having a couple slices of fatty pizza in my basement when my dad was home.....HE LOVES YOU LIKE A SON.....anyways, those soccer shoes you gave me less than a week before you passed are going to get bronzed, and put on a plack with the soccer ball your dad gave me of yours at a picnic we had on your behalf. He said you wanted me to have it.....I know you didnt say that, but I do believe you wanted me to ahve it. I Love you so much man, hope you dont mind the miss spellings, my wrists fuckin hurt and i can barely see through tears of sadness and shame(first time i have written to you or your parents), the other reason is its so hard to see thruogh the tears and snot taht are coming off me. PS. Rich. Michelle. Call me please I have been trying to get your number I would giving anything in the world to see one or both of you. My cell is 503-804-6788, PLEASEEE CALL ME AND TALK TO ME. I miss you guys too! Close
Thinking of you / Rose Family (Friends)
We think of Jonny often and then of Rich and Michele and Jonny's handsome brothers. The loss is still enormous to us and we can't imagine how profound it is to the Wollert family. Jonny was such a presence that even now, in Lake Oswego, or here in the desert house, we miss his touch. I remember the 'boarding behind a car, the laughter in the pool, the late night camaraderie among friends. I've saved the note Jonny left us, thanking us but with self-effacing humor: "been there twice now and no authorities involved", in response to our teasing that trouble was brewing when that group of friends got together. They were a great group of kids and Jonny was a life force. We will always miss him. He taught us there was only one way to enjoy life: to the fullest. We're thinking of all of you on this Christmas Day. Close
Christmas/ Mike Leonard (Father's friend )
I don't know what it is about Christmas time that makes the longing for a son who is gone come alive full strength again. It is a regularly recurring event that is now part of winter, just as Christmas is. Our living children are adults, married and gone from our home. When we say grace before a meal, one of us almost always says, 'Bless all of our children, wherever they are'. I hope that my son Paul, like Jonathon, is laughing and free. Bless all of our children this Christmas, wherever they are. And bless Jonathon's parents. Close
Dad's Dream / Mom
We feel so weakened by your loss, Jonny. We are not whole without your spark of light and we feel it so deeply during the holidays.
You would be so pleased with how the cabin looks. Dad and I have been breathing new life into it. It sports a new coat of paint and several stunning pieces of art that bring vibrant color into the rooms. My favorite is a carved wooden mask Dad purchased in British Columbia, "Bear." It reminded him of you: your strength, your bravery.
Dad told me about a comforting dream he had this week about you. I think it was more than a dream. I believe you paid him a visit to reduce his pain and provide a happy image of you that he can hold close to his heart. In the dream, Dad and I were watching you from afar as you rode a motorcycle in a beautiful Southwest-style landscape. The sun was warm and glowing reds, pinks, and oranges as it prepared to set. Dad turned to me and said, "See how exhuberant he is?" Present tense. I know you are enjoying a life free from pain. I know you are in a "good land" once again, as our friend Lance promised when you died.
We are sitting here on Christmas eve, awaiting Zach and Jason (and, of course, Winston and Guinness) to arrive. We wait for you, too, Jonny. Our hearts and door will always be open, but never empty. We are full of a lifetime of happy images of your laughter, your spunk, your enthusiasm. You enriched our lives beyond words. I am a better human being because I was your mother.
Enjoy that motorcycle, sweetie! I can see you whipping in and out of the red rock formations, a satisfied grin on your face, ever the thrill-seeker. May you be surrounded by all things fun, all things good forever. God knows, you earned it.
Tributes and Condolences
